Monday, October 29, 2007

Scored Review - Gothika

Ever wonder if there is a movie where Halle Berry isn't hot in it? Well the answer is no, but if theres one movie where she comes the closest to looking anything like a normal person, its Gothika; and it takes what looks like three years of not washing or combing her hair along with gouging "Not Alone" onto her arms to do it.

Gothika revolves around the story Miranda Grey, a psychiatrist who wakes up to find herself in a cell at the very mental institution where she works, having apparently killed her loving husband for no reason the night before. Its a twist! From there, the movie takes a darker turn, with random ghosts assaulting people, freeing her from prison and molesting other inmates. Yes I did say molesting. Technically their raping other inmates, and technically they turn out not to be ghosts that are doing the raping, but thats beside the point. The movie is pretty bad, I'm going to be honest. Not even Halle can make up for that fact. Its not really that freaky in total, its mostly the same freaky girl-ghost that randomly appears.

Pro's:
Halle Berry

Con's:
Not that scary
Cliche Ending
Just Plain Bad

1 Ghost out of 5

Friday, October 26, 2007

Scored Review - It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia


Are you tired of TV shows with endings that make sense? With admirable, inspiring characters? With careful language to avoid offending anyone? Then It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia is the show for you. This show is absolutlely ridiculous. Basically, the premise of the show is this: Mac, Charlie, Dennis, Dee, and Dennis and Dee's father, Danny DeVito, own a bar in Philadelphia. That's about it since none of the episodes are even remotely connected or have any relevance to any sort of plotline. I think my favorite part of the episodes is the title, which is always a blunt statement of what horrible things you will watch over the next half hour. The titles range from "The Gang Gets Racist" to "Charlie Got Molested" to "Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass." I think this is the only TV show that you can watch and make you wish you were a lot stupider because the stupid people on the screen always seem to have so much fun doing what they do. This is a very entertaining show. I don't think I've ever seen a show that more successfully makes horrible situations comical. If you are easily offended, I do not recommend watching this show, but if you can appreciate a good laugh at an occasional abortion or dying cancer patient, this is the show for you.

Pros:
- Danny DeVito?

Cons:
- makes you dumber
- makes light of terrible issues
- promotes values such as vanity, greed, and dishonesty
- could offend people
- makes you a worse person

Final Decision: 4.5 abortions out of 5

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Scored Review - The Cube



The Cube (1997)

I am a firm believer that a films success lies solely in the hands of the off-screen crew. That no mater how cheesy the acting, how simplistic the set design, even how low the budget, a good film will always shine through. And Vincenzo Natali, esteemed director of such projects as Beetlejuice (the TV show) and Babar (the TV show), proves just that in his film, The Cube. In The Cube seven seemingly random unwilling participants are thrown into a giant cube, comprised of smaller cube shaped rooms, with the single minded purpose of getting out. But unfortunately for the seven inside the cube they have no clue how they got there, where they are, and most of all how to get out. Oh, and half of the rooms are booby trapped with insanely grotesque modes of death, acid, slicing wires, liquid nitrogen, and the list goes on.
The Cube is a very hard movie to accurately describe, as it is hard to do justice to both its small budget and bad acting and its amazing plot and set design at the same time. The easiest way to sum up the worth of this movie is to say that, “It’s the best of a Sci-fi original and the worst of local theater.” And so, for sake of simplicity I will break my analysis of this movie own in to smaller more concrete areas.

Acting 1/5

Ok let’s get this out of the way, the acting was BAD! Due to budget constraints Vincenzo had to hire a cast of nobodies, the most well known of which is David Hewlett, who played Dr. Rodney McKay on Stargate and actually did a good job in this film. The rest of the cast didn’t fare as well. The best performance of the entire film, however, has to go to Andrew Miller’s interpretation of Kazan, a grown, autistic man. Andrew Miller spends half of the movie banging his head, twiddling his fingers, and generally being made to do anything for a bag of gumdrops (“Gumdrops don’t come in boxes.”). Andrew Miller adds a much needed dose of hilarity into an otherwise sick and twisted movie.

Set Design 4/5

So what if they used the same set for EVERY SCENE IN THE MOVIE? It’s a damn good set and you won’t even realize that they are doing it until at least an hour after the movie. Basically this movie is not about the Cube itself. It is about how the seven character react to their predicament and interact with each other. The cube brings about the worst in some and the best in others. So, for what was needed to make this movie work, the set design was well above par.

Editing/Special Effects 3/5

The editing in this movie was nothing special. Hell, the entire movie was filmed inside one cube. If you want to see some interesting Cube related editing check out the sequel, Cube 2: Hypercube, a good movie in its own right. Special effects are kept at a minimal, which was a good choice, because with the budget they had anything grandiose would have looked cheesy and out of place. Half of the entire budget of the film was used for the special and technical effects in the first sequence of the movie, so enjoy that while it lasts. Other special effects are peppered through out the movie but the majority of them are computer rendered graphics and green screen effects.

Cinematography 2/5
There are little to no imaginative angles in this film, which is understandable because the whole film WAS shot in one set, but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that angles durring conversations, fights, and discoveries were all very banal and unimaginative.

Plot 10/5
I can give it ten out of five, it’s my review! This movie deserves (at least) a four out of five simply because of the imaginative and well written plot that makes up its backbone. The film starts off slow enough with different cube-mates discovering each other. Then follows the most exciting part of the movie, during which the captives come to understand the prison they inhabit. Every thing from, personal strengths, to the mechanics of the cube, to high level mathematics is discussed and used impeccably in, what seemed to me to be, one of the most cohesive plots I had ever had the pleasure to take part in. The ending to this film is NOT a Hollywood ending, I myself was rather upset with it when I first watched it. But now, looking back on it, I see that it is the only ending that would have worked. The only ending that made sense with the rest of the movie. And while you will feel let down and upset, you will also, in some back part of your mind, feel insanely happy that everything found a way of working out

Just watch this movie, give it a chance, and don’t turn it off after the first ten minutes. You will be really happy you watched it, and if you watch it with your friends, you’ll be talking about it for days. Especially Kazan

What I Learned From This Movie

- Gumdrops don’t come in boxes
- Mental retardation makes any situation funny!
- One set becomes many sets when you add colored lighting.

Pros

- Imaginative and original
- Not overly complicated so it’s fun to watch
- When people die, you know it

Cons

- Uninspired camera work
- Better acting in Crusade For Covington*
- Annoying montage-like segues
- Nearly every character you like will die

*or any equally under-rehearsed jr. high play


Final Decision
Four BAGS of gumdrops out of five

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Scored Review - Across The Universe


I was really looking forward to this one, not because I'm the biggest Beatles fan, but because the idea of this film is so innovative. It's a musical where most of the plot progresses through Beatles tunes and short five minute interludes of dialogue between them. The movie goes through three main phases, which reflect the different phases that the Beatles' music went through. The movie begins with a cheesy falling in love theme with vomit-worthy choreography and cinematics, namely the scene where Prudence sings a horrible arrangement of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" in the middle of a football field while the players knock the shit out of each other in the background. Once the vomiting stops, the movie takes you on a visual acid trip led by Uncle Sam, Mr. Kite, and of course, Bono. At this point in the movie you look down to make sure what you are eating is just popcorn and when you realize it is the movie, not you, that has gotten this trippy, you can sit back and enjoy the psychadelic colors and creepy naked ladies that walk on the water. Finally, the movie transitions into an intense, symbolic phase flashing back and forth between the soldiers in Vietnam, Jude's symbolic artwork, and Sadie's rock band. The music is, for the most part, well arranged and well sung with the exception of the first half hour. The movie is deeply symbolic and thought provoking, especially in the final phase. However, the only humor the movie has to offer is the slipping of Beatles' song titles into the dialogue and the characters' names.

Sadie: "Where did she come from?"
Jude: "She came in through the bathroom window."
Me: "Hahahaha I get it! It's a song!"

Across the Universe will satisfy an artistic viewer, piss off a Beatles worshiper for not keeping the precise style of the original songs, confuse people who are neither artistic or appreciate the Beatles, and overdose those who watched it while high.

Pros:
- Artistically pleasing
- Innovative
- Gets you high without negative side effects or risk of getting arrested

Cons:
- Cheesy beginning
- Gets kinda creepy
- A few weird song arrangements

Final Decision: 3 Paul McCartney Whoops out of 5

Monday, October 8, 2007

Scored Review – Big Fish


Where to begin with this movie? This movie is by far one of the best movies I’ve seen, and not just in recent memory. This fantastic, modern day tall tale has it all, adventure, comedy, drama, a heartfelt love story and so much more.

The plot revolves around the struggle of Will Bloom (Billy Crudup) to try to come to terms with his dying father (Albert Finney). Having not talked to each other for nearly three years, Will returns home to be with his family as his father slowly dies from cancer. While there, Will struggles to learn the truth from his father, a masterful teller of tall tales. Will, filled with anger, feels that the stories his father told him about his life are lies and tries to learn the truth about his father’s life. On the way, we see masterfully done stories filled with the stuff of fairytales.

This movie is simply amazing, and is truly touching. It manages to be meaningful without being (too) cheesy and its message is one that all of us can learn from. Its rambling plot line and many side stories, all having a purpose, provide an endless stream of tales that will keep you both fascinated and enthralled at the same time.

Pro’s
- Moving Plot
- Fantastic stories
- Amazing acting all around

Con’s
- Slightly confusing symbology

Final Decision: 5/5

Monday, October 1, 2007

Scored Review – Finding Forrester

This is perhaps one of my favorite movies that I've seen to date. While its not an action or thrill film (my usual favorites), this stunning drama never fails to keep me watching over and over again. Deeply moving, this is the story of a young black student, Jamal Wallace (Rob Brown), who is increasingly torn between his aspirations as a writer, and the culture and world around him that values his basketball skills more than anything else.

Jamal quickly meets William Forrester (Sean Connery), a recluse, and famous author based on the real-life writer, J.D. Salinger. While off to a rocky start, Jamal breaks into William's apartment on a dare, they quickly become friends, and are forced to re-evaluate their lives. A deeply moving movie, a roller coaster of action this is not. Instead, this is a movie for all ages and races, and could teach everyone a lesson about acceptance and of looking beyond each others appearances.

Both Sean Connery and the young Rob Brown are both fantastic in this movie, making this perhaps Mr. Connery's best movie in recent history. Each of the supporting actors and actresses in this movie are a perfect fit, each bringing a bit of magic to this movie.

Pros
- Deeply moving plot line
- Excellent cast all around
- Camera work is superb

Cons
- Slow at times
- Obligatory love story

Final Decision: 5/5